Movies

Red One, starring Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans
Trailer: Amazon Studios MGM

Red One
Directed by Jake Kasdan
Rated PG-13
Snowed 15 November 2024
#RedOneMovie

It’s not a lump of coal, but Red One’s not a new holiday classic, either.

Here Comes Santa Claus

Considering Red One is from director Jake Kasdan, the guy behind the Dwayne Johnson-starring Jumanji movies, there are too many reasons to feel disappointment. After a strong start, the movie ends with a headache. And, unfortunately, it’s not the kind of headache brought on by sugar shock.

No. Instead of being a happy holiday extravaganza, Red One commits narrative sins that are hard to forgive.

There’s a scene in which Callum Drift (Johnson) and Jack O’Malley (Chris Evans, Captain America himself) enter a toy store. There’s a concept here that’s kinda cool: toy stores are portals in the North Pole’s transit system. And they’re a convenient source for Cal to pick up some tools. They include miniature Rock ‘em Sock ‘em robots, a Slinky, Matchbox cars and a Monopoly board game. There’s some good humor to start things off: after Callum zaps a Matchbox car and turns it into a life-size edition, Jack is quick to ask if the toy store has a Wonder Woman action figure.

Cute.

In a key moment, Cal pulls out a miniature rubber chicken keychain. It’s another cute joke – and it works – but it’s a let down those other toys don’t lead to the wild possibilities they’re clearly intended to tease.

And there’s another, even bigger, sin: the klutzy narrative muddles the legend of Saint Nicholas. Nick. Santa Claus. Code name: Red One.

Cold Hard Truth

In Violent Night, an R-rated, ultra-violent action movie, Santa was quite a tough guy (putting it politely here) in what turned out to be a wildly entertaining romp unlike any other Santa story. In Red One, Santa (J.K. Simmons, Spider-Man), is a super-fit older man (roughly 700 years old, or probably even older). He burns off millions of calories during his annual global trek to deliver joy to children who are on the nice list. So, this Santa doesn’t have a holly, jolly laugh and a large belly to rub. That’s fine. New spin.

It’s an imaginative introduction to the North Pole, too. It throws off vibes of Marvel and Harry Potter. It’s one of those teases of magical moments to come.

That’s another one of Red One’s problems. It teases, but fails to deliver. It never captures a sense of holiday magic or wonder, while also leading characters down a predictable path of personal growth.

Take Jack (please, take Jack). He’s a wholly despicable person who’s introduced as a young, chubby boy outing the myth of Santa Claus. He pickpockets his uncle’s keys, unlocks a closet full of toys prepped for Christmas giving and tells his friends they’re all being played. Saint Nick ain’t real.

Of course, little Jack has a lot to learn about life, responsibility, honesty and Santa. Jack – 30 years later – is slimmed down, fit and a hacking guru. He’s also the father of a son, but he shirks his parental duties because he doesn’t think it’s necessary. In his fractured logic, he was never married and his son’s mother is – to a great guy – so Jack, in Jack’s mind, is off the hook.

Lists and Myths

As it turns out, one of Jack’s cyber heists unwittingly embroils him in a nefarious plot to kidnap Santa by a villain who wants to make the world a better place.

Wait. Say what?

The villain is Gryla (Kiernan Shipka, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina), an ice queen who wants to suck the energy out of Santa and package it in snow globes delivered to those on the naughty list. Sounds good. Those snow globes are designed to be eternal prisons, capturing the naughty kids in a perpetual snowmageddon. Nice.

Ah. But, alas, it’s 2024 and being "naughty" is not a politically correct label. Red One begins to derail with creaky logic that also subverts earlier conversations between Santa and Cal, wherein they acknowledge the importance of not allowing the bad people in the world (particularly rude parents in shopping mall frenzies and pretty much any self-aggrandizing butthead with a social media account) to make them lose sight of the need to reward all the good people.

In this drunken mythology, Santa has a brother, Krampus (Kristofer Hivju, Game of Thrones). Krampus is very much a part of all the real-world lore around Saint Nicholas, so is Kampusnacht, which also plays into the narrative (at least a little bit, in a very oddball way). And here’s where the head starts to hurt. In Red One, Krampus is the guy who came up with the idea of having naughty and nice lists. Santa hated the very notion of having a naughty list. Krampus and Santa have a falling out. And yet Santa still manages both naughty and nice lists, even though he doesn’t like it? Does he have no autonomy?

What gives, Santa? Why not keep track of those who’ve been naughty and nice? Send the bad kids a message (using a tool like a lump of coal) so they understand if they’re nice, maybe next year they’ll get something cool (like a Wonder Woman action figure).

This nonsense around the lists is a stinky idea all around. Don’t mess with the "naughty and nice" tradition and have that much of a better movie. But, even so, at the very least, take this dumb idea and do something with it. Put a pretty little bow on it by completing the concept: Santa should recognize the long-held tradition, but explain how he’s "evolved" on the topic. Maybe go environmental and argue delivering coal is bad for the environment. And, by the way, it really weighs down the sleigh and it’s a strain on that toy store logistics network. Instead of coal, have him propose giving naughty children a clump of kale. That’ll learn ’em!

Let it Snow

Along with Krampus, Red One delves into a larger mythological universe, including the Headless Horseman, Cyclops and assorted other creatures (albeit a lot of them look like rejects from the Pirates of the Caribbean series). It’s another cool concept, but like so many other things in Red One, it gets lost in the storytelling machinery.

The villain, Gryla, has a pretty good plan to make the world a better place, but the twist that is intended to make Santa the hero is a little weak and there is zero tension while Red One slides to the inevitable climax.

Gryla isn’t referencing Santa’s naughty list. She apparently has her own list – and everybody’s on it. I’m on it. You’re on it. That kid’s on it. That girl’s on it. Everybody’s on it because everybody at some point has done something wrong.

Sigh. Doing something wrong and being naughty aren’t necessarily synonymous. And if everybody’s in a snow globe, where’s the fun for Gryla? Will she spend the rest of her days turning those globes upside down and then upright to watch the snow fall on pitiful, naughty humans?

It all leads to something akin to a Marvel boss battle, but not a very convincing or compelling one.

That’s the core of Red One’s biggest problem of all. This is a PG-13 holiday movie that doesn’t seem to know who it’s for. It can’t be labeled as a children’s movie, certainly not in the classic sense. It’s not really an action movie. It has some good humor, but it’s debatable if Red One can be considered a comedy. And, even with Santa and his reindeer and elves, there is a huge, gaping void where the magical holiday movie should be.

Magic Dust

That magic is replaced with technology. Ugly trolls run a portion of the North Pole’s IT department and – as modern trolls do – they surf the web, albeit in this case to find the nasty players of the dark web. It’s funny, it’s cute. But it’s not magical.

The word "cute" has been used a few times now to describe Red One and that’s pretty much all it is. Cute.

Getting back to those narrative sins, there’s also another one, but of a different variety. It’s buried in the end credits. While Red One is being distributed theatrically by Amazon MGM Studios, it’s naturally destined for a streaming run on Amazon Prime. And there it is, way down toward the end of the end credits is the copyright notice. Copyright: Amazon Content Services.

Wow. All that effort to create a fairly extravagant production is relegated down to nothing more than "content."

Then again, given the story is credited to Hiram Garcia, an executive producer on Young Rock, and the screenplay’s by Chris Morgan, whose catalog is riddled with Fast & Furious movies and the occasional rough gem, such as Shazam! Fury of the Gods and Wanted, boiling down Red One to nothing more than "content" helps explain its lack of magic.

It’s just content.

Consume it like a candy cane and then move on.

• Originally published at MovieHabit.com.

In Pursuit of the New Bohemia:  Truth • Beauty • Freedom • Love
"Serving the PRM and Its Territories Worldwide Since 3 July 2000"
Site Contents Copyright © MM - MMXXV, Matthew Anderson, Unless Otherwise Noted
Privacy policy