U2

The Joshua Tree Tour 2019

— Iris (Hold Me Close) —
Lyrics: Bono and The Edge
Songs of Innocence (U2015)

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Grab some coffee, or your beverage of choice. I've got a story to tell.

Ready?

Doris (Hold Me Close)

This ridiculous, risky, grandiose trip is dedicated to my mom. I figure if Bono can write a song about his mom, Iris, and sing it in front of the masses, I can let my guard down by a few degrees and publish a photo of me with my mom, Doris.

I don't put a lot of truly personal content on this site. That's by design. This site was originally intended to be a one-man show that masqueraded as a worldwide multimedia juggernaut. Ah. All that megalomania of a true Aries.

But, much more seriously, if I were to have kept a journal of what I went through after my dad died, it would've been a soul-crushing read. There was so much pain to work through as my siblings became something less than. All of those experiences led to a rejiggered view of my role on the planet. As I rather gently joke, I'm the youngest of the clan by a decent gap and that means, depending on your point of view, my birth was either an accident or an apology. Of course, my mind is set squarely in the latter.

There were phenomenal bonding moments with my mom — helping her as she put up a brave (downright inspirational) fight against dementia and then the onset of aphasia. A broken leg. A stroke. Doctor visits. Hospital visits. Phone calls with a Kaiser doctor I referred to (without the least bit of affection) as Doctor Doom. The despised MOST form. (I hated — dreaded — having to talk about that form!) But there were also laughs and ice cream. I'd even take her to Fox & Hound for dinners. She'd get coffee, I'd get Guinness. And — on occasion — my mom's face would absolutely light up when she saw me enter the room. I wouldn't trade any of those moments in support of my mom for the world.

She was my first buddy and my biggest fan. She was the sweetest Mom possible; mighty resilient and deceptively rugged. But she also fought an inferiority complex; she had been adopted and that left a mental mark. It was my mission, in the absence of my dad, to make sure my mom knew she was loved and valued. I did what I could; it wasn't always pretty and I was hardly perfect. Regardless, now there's a mighty big void still in need of filling.

Home, That's Where the Hurt Is

Why bring all of this up now? On a "U2" page, in a section bursting with stories and photos of my travels following four Irish punks while gallivanting around the planet? That's not very rock 'n' roll, is it?

It's simple: In my world, my mom was even bigger than Bono. She's the only person about whom I can say that. It's taken me nearly a year to be able to write this and now I need to share it. I need to get it out of my system. Most people really don't want to hear about it; they get uncomfortable or they don't care. Very few people know how to react, anyway. That's all fine. Whatever the case, here it is in the mighty Mattopia Times. Read it if you like, or move on. It's up to you. I'm getting what I need out of this catharsis, either way.

It's been a rough year. There have been plenty of those, but this has been the most painful of my life. My mom died on 6 October 2018.

I got a call from my mom's caregivers while I was in Madrid — 21 September 2018, outside the WiZink Center, awaiting the arrival of U2 on the eXPERIENCE + iNNOCENCE tour. It was a positive call — they were going to lower my mom's pain meds because she had stabilized and was displaying fewer signs of discomfort. The news made me happy; I thoroughly enjoyed the remainder of my trip.

After I returned home, I visited my mom and took her out to the park for a nice, pleasant afternoon. It was our routine. I'd push her wheelchair across bike paths, with routes ranging from 5-7 miles round trip. We'd hang out in the park, watch games and dogs or whatever else was going on. I'd talk to her about my life even though, at that point, she could no longer talk back.

At 4:10 the following Saturday morning, I received a phone call. My mom was "actively dying." I'm up and out and by her side as quickly as possible, albeit dazed by the nurse's frank conversation and the timing. At 6:30 that same morning she was gone. But I was there, at her side. She had waited for her wandering son to return home and she died in my arms. I'm not sure how many people can say that about a loved one. There couldn't have had a better ending to an otherwise challenging life story. She left the world a better place than she found it at her birth, but now, without her, it'll never be as good a place again. My mom deserved a better everything.

I've endured quite a bit since then — at home, at work. And I haven't allowed myself enough time to play. This is my first international trip since my mom's passing — merely 11 days after I returned home from that e+i trip through Portugal and Spain. It's the first extended trip and now departure and return dates don't carry much significance. The MBP (Mom, Bono, POTUS) rules are now, simply, BP rules. (MBP meant that if you weren't my mom, Bono or POTUS, your call would have to wait until after I returned home.)

Dang. It's been a long, hard road of change on the domestic front and now it's time to move forward. It's time to make my parents proud. I don't enjoy enduring; I prefer thriving.

Back during the PopMart tour, I thought it was a little silly — rather extravagant — to take a trip to Vancouver, BC, to see U2, all by myself. My mom said, simply, "You should go." My mom understood my wanderlust. She wanted to travel much more than she did, but there were always those reasons to not travel. The running of the family business. The business of running the family. While looking through the boxes of souvenirs she had stashed away from her two trips to Israel, I couldn't help but be struck by how alike we were. She brought back the same silly stuff I do — napkins, brochures, food wrappers with foreign words on them. It must be in the soul.

Tear Down the Walls That Hold Me Inside

After a challenging summer of clearing out the garage and sifting through boxes of papers, family photos and other goods hauled to my place in the rush to sell my parents' house, it's time to look forward and adjust my focus to more positive topics and a better life. The kind of life for which my parents ultimately made all those sacrifices.

I expect — and I want — this trip to challenge the very fabric of my mind, body and soul. This is a sort of vision quest and there's quite an ambitious agenda that transcends the U2 tour. These are my own creative pursuits, fueled by pure, blind ambition. It's time to truly suck the marrow out of life, as John Keating would say.

There are the obvious components: exploring new places and taking photographs and videos (with a whole new set of gear procured mere weeks before wheels-up). I hope it's a language learning experience, an immersion in Japanese, Korean and Thai. But it's also time to hunker down during those extended flights and work on the screenplay that's been screaming to get out of me. Maybe I'll even keep a proper journal and do a social post or two. Hmmm... Maybe not so much on the latter. It's about being in the moment.

The band's toured four of the past five years. That's been a bit of a strain on the finances and the time off. But, hey. The goal is soul Seoul! This is an investment in me and it'll pay huge dividends down the road. I'm certain of it.

As the lyrics go in U2's Love Is All We Have Left, "This is no time not to be alive."

No Line on the Horizon

At one point I was thinking the best way to honor my mom and symbolically move forward was to go on a trip. I thought the ideal trip would be to Israel — a grand tour of the region, including Jerusalem, Masada, the Red Sea, Petra. But it's a trip I'd need to plan; I already know too much about what I want to do out there and to not have the right level of arrangements in place could be problematic. Most of my trips are, quite honestly, half-ass affairs. Well, that's a little too harsh. In the vernacular of Dr. Jones, I simply make it up as I go. But that Israel trip would require some special care. After my mom died, I was down in the dumps in ways I didn't anticipate. I had no interest in wandering away; I was too hurt to enjoy the travels.

As 2019 rolled around, having survived the first holidays without Mom, I started thinking about a fall break in Asia, going back to the area of adventure that's become a source of fascination for me. It'd be cool to see Episode IX out there somewhere. It opens 20 December, one day before my mom's birthday. In many respects, I'm a farm boy rather like Luke; very humble beginnings. There were those stupid bullies in middle school that nearly brought the end to me. That small... tiny... high school... That short bus... And then events propelled me into a life full of adventure nobody saw coming. The conclusion of the Skywalker family saga could be marked by the start of a new chapter of the Mattopia Jones Chronicles. Maybe it's symbolism only I can appreciate, but I loved this idea.

And then the U2 rumors started to swirl. For months, there was chatter of what sounded like such an improbable APAC tour. Anticipated announcement days came and went, including a rumor of an announcement on my birthday. Ticketmaster Australia even put up a tour landing page, then abruptly took it down.

There were older rumors of the i+e/e+i arena tours being reimagined for stadiums in APAC. But to go back to the 2017 Joshua Tree anniversary tour seemed odd. Nonetheless, I cut back and started budgeting in anticipation of something happening.

Finally, yes. The tour was confirmed in May.

Now it's time for the payoff, to reward this year of (relative) restraint. It's about making an opportunity happen. This trip is going to be the best of both worlds, a monumental effort that merges U2 and Mattopia Jones in one sweeping adventure. And, of course, it comes at such a personally significant time. I really need this tour and this adventure — with the ultimate goal of getting back to being the me I like the most: the playful kid with big dreams and no quit.

It'll truly be a trip built with the latest and greatest in hardware, software and menswear. (I love that line, Bono.)

I cut back a lot during the past year, keeping an eye on this year-end extravaganza that's grown significantly in scope and ambition. Rolling Stones? Not at those ticket prices. A New York visit? It'll have to wait. Dinners out? Maybe slap a pork chop on the grill instead. The perpetually delayed kitchen and bathroom remodeling projects? They can remain perpetually delayed.

At least I made it out to California for Opening Day in Anaheim (Mike Trout was good, the rest of the home team was a virtual no-show) and a hot hike in the Hollywood hills. That simple excursion became an 11-mile mini endurance test that relegated a visit to the site of the Adam West Batcave into nothing more than a sweaty pit stop at the end of the day. Back home, I did the Manitou Incline — and I did it with a head cold, just to make it more interesting. Moreover, instead of events and traveling around (more) and living it up, I upped the ante at the gym. The visits have been more frequent, more consistent and far more intense than ever before. They haven't been about burning calories; they've been about shedding aggravations and disappointments, an accumulation of crud from the past several years. As a result, I am in the best shape of my life and physically prepared for this upcoming challenge to the MattMettle.

It's time to get unstuck, get out of my own way and dream it all up again. In high volume.

No doubt, my dad will be scratching his head, puzzled by my antics and wondering why I'm not married and settled down with children to call my own. But my mom? She'll be giving me a (double-jointed) thumbs-up.

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The “Goal Is Seoul” Leg (U2019)

57. Perth, Australia, Optus Stadium — 27 November U2019 — General Admission
58. Tokyo, Japan, Saitama Super Arena — 4 December U2019 — General Admission
59. Tokyo, Japan, Saitama Super Arena — 5 December U2019 — General Admission
60. Seoul, South Korea, Gocheok Sky Dome — 8 December U2019 — General Admission
61. Mumbai, India, D.Y. Patil Stadium — 15 December U2019 — General Admission

• Episode IX — PVR Ambience IMAX 3D, Gurgaon, India — 20 December 2019 — Seat F12

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In Pursuit of the New Bohemia:  Truth • Beauty • Freedom • Love
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