Travel

Mattopia Jones and the Mattomic Bomb
18 December 2023 – 15 January 2024
Miles Walked: 114.1

Chapters:   Interview  •  Dream Is Collapsing  •  Karen  •  Happiness  •  Buddhism  •  Land  •  Water  •  Air  •  Music  •  Monkeys  •  Michael Douglas  •  Beach-off  •  Re-entry

Logline: With diametrically opposed forces pulling on Dr. Jones — being lifted to dizzying new heights by Bono and the band at Sphere while simultaneously being dragged six feet under by nefarious bad actors back home — the intrepid explorer is being ripped apart. Fission. Chain reactions. Toxic environments. Tick. Tick. Tick. The M-Bomb is dropped on Thailand in hopes the good doctor can be pulled back together (a type of fusion) in a land that constantly challenges his understanding of what it means to be happy and fulfilled.

Working Title: Mattopia Jones and the Exorcism of Mr. Mattphisto

“I put myself through so much. On land. In the air. Under the sea. Soaked in sweat. Bronzed by the sun. Assaulted by monkeys.”
Mattopia Jones
(reflection made to the Times during the trip’s final night tradition: dining on compot pepper beef and a couple pints of Singha at O’Shea’s pub in Bangkok)

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Mattskrit Notes: How to Dismantle a Mattomic Bomb

9 March 2024

The Times is back at Matt Manor for what’s become an annual tradition: the post-trip interview in a futile effort to put Mattopia Jones’ latest adventures into some sort of historical perspective.

As was expected, the place is, well, let’s be fair and simply describe it as “disheveled.”

Nestled near the front door, the large Monos “checked luggage” roller suitcase is upright and (surprisingly) empty. On the floor, though, behind the sofa, are two carry-ons, wide open and displaying their wares. Resting on the smaller one, a blue matching its jumbo-sized parent, is the now famous hat. The Akubra Traveller. The one Matty’s dubbed “The Indyheimer.”

We don’t touch it.

We’re not worthy.

Surrounding the hat is a collection of light (really light, ultra-comfy) shirts collected from various stops in Thailand. There’s also the proof we’ve been looking for to confirm — beyond a shadow of a doubt — the legendary explorer Mattopia Jones is certifiably nuts.

The bag harbors an impressive haul:

• Roasted cashew nuts (2 containers)
• Roasted cashew nuts: JUMBO SIZE (unskinned)
• Premium cashew nuts
• Truffle-coated cashew nuts
• Macadamia nuts (2 vacuum-sealed packs fresh from Chiang Rai)

While sifting through the selection, we couldn’t help but hear the voice of Bubba Blue rattling off all the varieties of shrimp.

We can’t make this up, dear reader. We’re reporting what we see. You do your best to make sense of it.

Next to the junior blue roller bag is its larger sibling, a lovely terracotta-colored roller bag a smidge too large to carry onto smaller planes. It’s been busy with repeat visits to Las Vegas. The contents still reverberate with the majestic — magical — mystical — strummings of The Edge and the collective soul of Bram van den Berg, Adam Clayton and Bono. An empty poster tube. The distinctive blue case containing a pair of peach-colored, round-lensed (John Lennon-esque) Takumi/Oliver Peoples sunglasses that have become the trademark of Dr. Jones. An over-sized program from The Beatles LOVE. A U2 Live at Sphere baseball cap. A boxed set of Zoo Station coasters.

As Matty welcomes us to the dining table, we note he could use a shave. Then we note there isn’t a square-inch of the table’s surface that isn’t covered. We won’t read anything into his failure to offer to make some room for our laptops. He, after all, has a lot on his mind.

Some things never change. In this one thing though, we really couldn’t be happier. We fear it’d be a sign of the apocalypse if Matty was in any other condition.

We make a mental note to ask him about a strange-looking wind chime and an assortment of Buddhist votive tablets.

But first, we have to ask him about the latest chapter’s provocative logline and title: Mattopia Jones and the Mattomic Bomb.

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