Beer

DELL HELL:
The Saga Continues

Dear Mr. Anderson: I am the Case Manager at Customer Care. I am sorry to learn of the inconvenience you have experienced while trying to get your issue resolved. Mr. Anderson, I would like to offer you a $100 coupon for all the inconvenience caused and to retain your system. Please let me know so that I can process you the coupon. Thank you for choosing Dell. Respectfully, Kiranmayi_V---- Email Case Number 140----- Customer Care Specialist ABU Customer eCare Dell Inc. We Care for Customers: http://www.Dellcustomercare.com

Kiranmayi, Please understand that I am not interested in any coupons regarding future purchases. The issue is with THIS purchase. And let me put this in perspective for you. About 2 1/2 years ago my house was broken into and my one-year-old Dell Inspiron was stolen. Even though I had a full police report and there were still 2 years to go on the Inspiron's warranty, Dell refused to make any sort of adjustment and refused to transfer the remainder of the warranty to the new laptop purchased through my insurance company. So not only did thieves rob my house, but in my opinion, Dell also ripped me off. This purchase under discussion now, regarding the Inspiron 1405, IS Dell's SECOND CHANCE to win me back. And, obviously, it is not going well at all. So, since Dell is such a monster company full of obstacles and policy wonks, I can no longer in good conscience, do business with your company. I feel like I am being RAILROADED into accepting a purchase I made TWO good faith attempts to cancel, but Dell's processes are so convoluted, it appears to be virtually impossible to get that done! YOU, according to the publicity, are empowered to right wrongs as an employee of YOUR company. But all I've heard for the past week is "we'll give you a coupon for a future purchase." NO. The coupon I HAVE doesn't expire for TWO MORE WEEKS! AND YET I CAN"T EVEN CANCEL THIS CURRENT ORDER, AS I ATTEMPTED NOT ONCE BUT TWICE, in order to use that EXISTING coupon. So, I respectfully request that you contact UPS IMMEDIATELY and have them redirect the package directly back to Dell. There is NO NEED for me to accept the package then go through more DELL HELL to get a return label, send it back to you, and await a full refund. In summary: 1. Please contact UPS and have them redirect the shipment directly back to Dell. 2. Dell will incur shipping charges. 3. Dell will take the loss on the sale by (probably) selling the laptop on DellOutlet. 4. Note: Dell WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF BY PROVIDING THIS CUSTOMER WITH A $50 deduction on THIS PURCHASE and by HONORING the CURRENT coupon. 5. I will post, in painful detail, all the crap Dell has put me through over the past week on my Web site. 6. I will write Dell HQ and supply them with the link to my forthcoming "Dell page" so they can be amazed by the company's abject failure with this customer. This is the new millennium and YOU should be ashamed of the obstinance and policy-blinded bullshit I have had to deal with this past week. As a high tech company, Dell should be appalled by the level of difficulty this customer has experienced in getting questions answered, an order canceled, and a simple $50 coupon honored. I have had enough. As I've tried to explain to other "customer service reps" at Dell, I USED TO BE a huge fan of Dell. This WOULD HAVE BEEN my fourth Inspiron laptop. BUT I can no longer accept being pushed around by YOUR company. I can no longer afford to throw money after bad at YOUR company. You now have your marching orders. Make it so. I need a new laptop, but I'm more prepared than ever to go elsewhere. Dell's performance in this matter is 100% unacceptable. Matthew Anderson

Dear Mr. Anderson: Please allow me to apologize for the misunderstanding with your issue for $50.00 credit. Mr. Anderson, as your order is in transit we would not be able to cancel your order. The estimate delivery date is on 01/17/2007. I have submitted a manual credit request to process the credit for the amount of $50.00. You reference number is ---------. Please allow 5-7 business days to process the credit to your original mode of payment. Hope I have resolved your issue please let me know if you need further assistance. Thank you for choosing Dell. Respectfully, Kiranmayi_V---- Email Case Number 140----- Customer Care Specialist ABU Customer eCare Dell Inc. We Care for Customers: http://www.Dellcustomercare.com

That missive from Kiranmayi V---- arrived at 2:17 CST.

At 3:57 CST Kiranmayi V---- sent this POS:
Dear Mr. Anderson: As the order is in transit and the estimate delivery date is on 01/17/07, we cannot make any changes, so please accept the order and revert the email once you receive the package. Thank you for choosing Dell. Respectfully, Kiranmayi_V---- Email Case Number 140-----

What the hell does "revert the email" mean?
And is Kiranmayi suffering from a bi-polar disorder? Is Kiranmayi even a real "single" person? If Dell wanted to fictionalize its support staff, why not use a more appropriate, easier to spell name like Allan Smithee?

And four minutes prior to that, this one came:
Dear Matthew Anderson: Thank you for choosing Dell! I will be your point of contact until your return is resolved in its entirety. If you have any questions during the course of our correspondence, simply reply to this message and I will do everything I can to provide you with an answer to your question(s). The return of the E1405, CORE 2 DUO has been authorized under reference number ---------. UPS will pick up the package(s) via a Dell paid pick up within 48 business hours. UPS will have the necessary return labels. Pick ups will not be made on Saturdays, Sundays or holidays. Please allow 24 hours from receipt of this email for UPS to receive your pick up request in their schedule. Alternatively, you can return your product using The UPS Store as early as the day after tomorrow! To find The UPS Store nearest you please visit the following URL: http://go.mappoint.net/ups/PrxInput.aspx UPS is scheduled to pick up the returning product from: Name: CTU NORTH KANSAS CITY Contact: O Address: COLORADO TECHNICAL UNIV 520 E 19TH AVE City, State, Zip: NORTH KANSAS CITY, MO 64116 If this address information is incorrect, please reply to this email with the updated information and we will update the carrier with the correct address and contact information. Also, please be certain to ask the carrier for all of your return air bill receipts for all boxes. This will be the only way of tracking the shipments once they are in route back to Dell.

Blah blah blah...

It's hilarious how frickin' wrong they were on my address. Don't they have a computer system that can link my order number to my address? (For those not in the know, I'm in COLORADO NOT MISSOURI and I have nothing to do with Colorado Technical University!)

And did you catch that "We Care for customers" comment in their e-mail footers? Yeah. And I have a fat ass.

The sad thing is, now that the "measely $50 issue" appears to be resolved (I'll be believe it when the adjustment makes its way to my account), the new laptop is really, really nice and Dell has a product they should be proud of. Their manufacturing processes seem to be in order, but all other related points of communication are ridiculously lacking. How can it be that cancelling an order is more time consuming than filling the order?

It's a shame that dealing with the company is such a hassle.

In many respects, it reminds me of J.D. Edwards, the worst-managed company I have ever worked for. So many managers, so many ill-conceived policies determined by people far too removed from the real-world mechanics of the business.

For those who don't know, J.D. Edwards no longer exists as its own company. Dell should pay heed to that sad, sad story of corporate incompetence gone haywire.

31 January 2007
Update: After another round of e-mails, the $50 credit should arrive on my account... in 5-7 business days.

I also wanted to check on the status of my Windows Vista upgrade shipment. But their system was down. They requested I check back tomorrow.

They must be running JDE.

1 February 2007:
Check out this story in The New York Times. Maybe Michael Dell reads The Mattopia Times, too!

Late update: Surprise! The $50 credit arrived on my credit card today! That was unnecessarily complicated, to say the least.

Phew... Now it should be a mere 4-8 weeks before I see the Vista upgrade.

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