7 Habits

Quote of the Day:
"Life used to be so simple.
Now we've got the Pope on the phone."
- The Edge on U2 then and now
in Rolling Stone, 3 April 2003

Editor's Note: The following is a transcript of Matt Power's interview with Mattimus for Good Morning Mattopia. Original air date: 12 March 2003.

Matt Power:
You know, in a lot of ways this material would probably be better suited for The Onion, or maybe even an episode of VH1's Behind the Music. I mean, imagine it: Just three months ago you were running yourself ragged all over Europe... then... silence.

Matt Power imitates the Behind the Music narrator:
And so it was this megalomaniacal wannabe disappeared into the night, still stinging from his political assassination and uncertain about where the road would take him next. Over the next few months, Mattimus would be jerked around much as he had been during the prior six months.

A Matt without a country, as it were, his hopes of returning to Europe were eventually dashed. Last-minute plans that would send him to such exotic locales as Boise, Idaho, and Honolulu, Hawaii, were also scrapped, putting Mattimus, and his life, on hold.

In true Mattopian form, Mattimus rededicated his efforts to making a better world, or, at the very least, a better Mattopia. Now in Baltimore on a project, Mattimus, the Matt who earned his soul back while following U2 around the globe, is now hellbent on getting his life back. Until then, there will be no sleep in Mattopia...

Does that sum things up fairly well?
Mattimus:
Yeah. That's fair. The last time we talked, I said I was going to take a break and reevaluate my plans for world domination. I didn't think I'd be gone this long, but some things are hard to control. Life happens, among other things. It's been an odd time, basically living on call and pretty much incapable of making any sort of plans. That's quite a pain in the rear!

By the way, before we get too far into this, I'd like to offer a bit of shameless self promotion. Click here to check out the MattCam. It's also known as the PeaceOutCam and the UnsteadyCam and it's dedicated to Carmen DeMelo, my business partner in Big Ass Muggs. She threatened to pop a cap in my ass if I don't stay in touch.

Did you say, "Pop a cap in your ass"?
Yeah. It's the language of my homies back in the 'hood. Actually, coming from a girl it sounds like a lot of fun. But at the same time, I think the side effects would be a little painful.

Do women often threaten to pop a cap in your ass?
I guess the diplomatic answer is, "I've had my share of threats."

OK. I'll leave that one right there. So... How is the progress going toward world domination?
I feel like I'm behind schedule, but there are things in the works so I'm trying to cool my jets.

Since returning from Europe you've experienced the dizzying euphoria of success and smelled the sweaty socks of failure. Sum up what was accomplished while living in perpetual uncertainty.
Well, during my "homestand" I managed to squeeze in several good reviews that I'm pleased with. (Cheers, by the way, to Marty at MovieHabit.com for his constant tolerance and support.)
Click on the title for the full review:
The Osbournes: The First Season
The Recruit
Daredevil
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Plus, I took my first stab as rock critic:
U2: Best of 1990-2000 (This one gives even me goosebumps!)

I also thought it'd be nice to win the Pulitzer Prize for rock journalism, so I wrote an article on the crusaders of rock 'n' roll, people like Bono (shortlisted for the 2003 Nobel Peace Prize!), Springsteen, and Lennon. I was not pleased with what I had at the time, but I was on deadline and I turned it in with a note saying, basically, that it sucked and needed some more work, but it'd be nice to have some other eyes look at it.

For a while I thought my editors put it in development Hell or threw it away. Turns out, they slapped it on the Web right away! I've got some more incendiary stuff to add to that one; maybe it'll show up in another form at another time. Right now, it deserves... maybe... a Pewter Prize. Here's the link: Crusaders of Rock.

Ummm... and a considerable amount of time was also spent learning about Web-based training and developing some online demos for the European client I was working with last year. I learned a lot about Web design in the process. But, while my Web knowledge has grown exponentially over the past couple months, I'm also starting to realize just how little I really know in terms of the big picture. I'm just a hack and I've got a long way to go. Taking time off and going back to school to learn more is one option I'm toying with.

My soul ain't for sale, so I've got to look into other ways of making the big bucks.

OK. What else?
Creatively speaking, it's been a great time mired in a mound of uncertainty and, very briefly, despair and even a case of post-European depression.

Basically, I still haven't found what I'm looking for, but I'm still lookin'.

Let's see... I also even tried to get an interview with Martin Scorcese, believe it or not, but to no avail. I'll remember that when he begs me to direct the Great Mattopian Screenplay. I've got a memory like an elephant.

By the way, I've got an idea for my next movie after the Great Mattopian Screenplay has gone on to Oscar glory. It's a low-budget romantic comedy. It's about a low-rent Totino's guy who falls in love with an upscale DiGiornio's girl. They meet in the frozen foods section of the supermarket and melt each other's heart. It's kind of cheesy, but things heat up nicely. It should be fun - and you'll never guess how this one ends!

What's it called?
Oven Lovin'.

OK... Can't wait... Uhhh... And you decided to run for office in 2004?
Yeah. Why not?

I started thinking about it and thought it would be neat to be the first single President of the United States. (History buffs can correct me if I'm wrong.) I was also thinking, since I probably wouldn't be doing my own laundry, cooking, and cleaning while living in the White House, that would free up buttloads of time to handle international affairs.

How hard can it be, really? Think about it. I spent four years on the phone dealing with people of questionable intelligence trying to use "high end" software. Spending four years on the phone with people like the Pope would be a joyride in comparison!

Thoughts of being single in the White House with all those hoity-toity shindigs to attend also got me thinking about a potential reality TV series. I'd call it Who Wants to Marry the President? I think that's the kind of entertainment the USA is craving!

Good luck with that. How's your campaign coming along?
To be honest, at the moment, the campaign isn't even at the grass roots level. It's still incubating on the sod farm.

By the way, cheers go out to Matthew, Matt, Matthew and Matthew of the Mattican Party in the People's Republic of Nebraska. Their words of encouragement are greatly appreciated. Just remember: I need your vote in 2004!

Here's the full plug: $1 million from each of you would provide a substantial treasure chest with which I could go out and revolutionize how Presidents are made, elected, advertised, etcetera. It's not just an investment in me and the Mattopian way of life; it's an investment in your country and its future. In return, you will receive a thank you card, hand written and signed by me personally, delivered to your private residence by the United States Postal Service. Yeah. We're talkin' the real deal, not just an e-mail thank you or a pre-printed form letter.

All righty. I'm going to throw you a curveball. Are you still smarting over your break up with Winona Ryder?
Damn! That one came out of left field!

Yes. That's a pain that will probably never go away entirely. But I'm beginning to realize it was over before it even started, really. She stole my heart back in the halcyon days of Beetlejuice and Edward Scissorhands. Everything was so cool back then, man!

Now she's stealing dry goods from department stores. I didn't see it coming... But like they say, love is blind. And I think it's also deaf and dumb, too, actually.

How's Baltimore?
So far, so good. The city itself has exceeded my expectations. There's a lot of cool stuff to check out there. I'm looking forward to warmer weather, though, because it's been pretty chilly down at the Inner Harbor during my nighttime jaunts into the city.

As a result of those visits, I might add, I've been called "Matt the Ripper" and "Matt the Knife." Seems some warped people don't understand my eagerness to blast off on my own and hang out at the Hard Rock Cafe. But hey, if everybody else is working all night, what choice have I got? Fast food taken back to my hotel room? That's way too lame for me. I need to be out there finding out what's going on.

In all, it's been good being out East again, working with IBMers. It all takes me back to my days as an IBMer.

Do you have any funny travel stories to share?
Well, nothing particularly hilarious has happened to me on this leg, so to speak. Probably the funniest thing to report, if I haven't already, was departing Heathrow back in December. While checking in, the woman at British Airways asked if I was carrying anything sharp on board with me. Turning on the Mattopian charm, I told her, "Just my brain." I wound up getting upgraded to business class for the non-stop flight to Denver. That was groovy, baby!

What's your horoscope been saying lately?
Well, I like to check it in Vanity Fair each month, just for entertainment purposes, mind you. (By the way, Vanity Fair is NOT just for women! And I don't need to hear any Will & Grace jokes.) It's a great magazine; it helps me keep tabs on my competition. Anyway, here's my horoscope in the April issue:
"... you are sure to be feeling highly motivated and focused on success. You've got the world by the you-know-whats and nothing can stop you, especially now that the wounds you sustained during the recent transit of Chiron have begun to heal. A word of caution, however... you'd better develop a sense of compassion for all sentient beings or you could easily shoot yourself in the foot and really screw up your career."

No way!
Way! Check it out in the latest issue, on newsstands now. It's the one with Tom, Harrison, Brad, Jack, and Tom on the cover. (Remember I said I like to keep tabs on my competition?)

It's the issue that's gotten all the media coverage because of its article on Michael Jackson. Uh, he is NOT the competition, by the way! The Mattopian bobsledding team could whoop the Neverland team any day of the week, baby!

Didn't you have a Michael Jackson doll growing up?
Uh, no. But a friend of mine did. It was such a piece of junk. His nose fell off right after he took it out of the package. Talk about foreshadowing.

You paid a visit to your former employer a couple weeks ago. Any thoughts you'd care to share?
Thoughts? Oh yeah, I've got tons of thoughts and I think the Mattopian Freedom of Information Act will allow me to speak to this now.

I was there for a web-based training tools class. In a master-stroke of civil disobedience, I was a walking-talking display of subversiveness. I think I actually might be more of a bad boy than I give myself credit for. I mean, consider this:

• I wore my visitor badge dangling from a belt loop (I know that used to irk Uncle Ed)
• I ate all the flavored (non-chocolate) Tootsie Rolls in the training room's candy bowl
• I absconded with all the grape Dubble Bubbles
• I set Mattopia.com as the default Web page on my training room PC (I think this gets cleared out every night, but it's the thought that counts)
• Since it's such a black-and-white world there, I wore my black Skechers, black CK jeans, and a white A&F shirt. I snuck in a gray henley as a touch of symbolism (and to cover the chest hairs).

The familiar sense of oppression and lack of ambition still stuffed up the air, but at least I was coming in from the other side this time. I was also massively disappointed to see the day's newspapers already in the trash and soggy by our 10:45 potty break.

I won't bother to go into my thoughts on WBT here and now.

Gosh, you sure are one bad homey.
After having been "pulled over" in customs in Amsterdam's Schiphol airport, coupled with accusations of my having corrupted coworkers and friends with questionable activities while in Amsterdam, I think I underestimate my very own bad boy status.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not quite as bad as I wanna be, but I'm gettin' there.

Did I mention I was pulled aside in Amsterdam's airport? Sheesh... I'm kinda proud of that one.

Any words to your former co-workers?
To the good ones, the friends and those who were at least friendly, I say, "Keep in touch. Don't be strangers."

OK. Taking a step back, besides Vanity Fair, what have you been reading lately?
Well, there was a great interview with Bruce Springsteen in the February 28, 2003, issue of Entertainment Weekly. Here's an excerpt:
EW:
You once said that part of entertainment is to provide food for thought. For you, that seems to be very much about resisting complacency; the battle to not become cynical.
THE BOSS:
A certain amount of skepticism is necessary to survive in today's environment. You don't want to be taking everything at face value. But for that (questioning) to be worth something it has to be connected to an element of energy and creative thought - that's the thing that's gonna have some impact... So that's my approach: Try to be wise about the way the world works. But at the same time, you need to find some way to turn those insights about what's real and what's true into some creative process, creative action. That's what we try to pass on to our audience so (they) don't feel powerless... Tommy Morello, the guitarist from Rage Against the Machine, said in an interview that history is made in people's kitchens, in living rooms, at night; it's made by people talking and thinking things through. That, I think, is true: You should throw your two cents in as best you can.
EW:
So much information comes from the top down. What do you say to people who feel like they don't have much say in what goes on in the world?
THE BOSS:
I'm always fighting against that feeling of helplessness. I can be overwhelmed by ambivalence, by the despair of the day. (But) that's what people use music and film and art for; that's its purpose. Its purpose is to pull you up out of that despair, to shine a light on new possibilities. And I think if you look at it pretty hard-eyed, it helps. That's where the living is, that's where life is. Regardless of what's going on externally, those are the powers that you find within yourself to keep going and change things. To try to make some place for yourself in the world.

Cool. What's kept you going through the turbulence of the past few months?
Thoughts of 2004. IF I have my way, 2004 is going to rock!

In time, I'm confident the Mattopian history books will consider the past couple months as nothing more than a big, ugly pothole on the road to world domination. My wheels got out of alignment, but there's no reverse gear on this tank, baby.

What makes you smile these days?
My little fantasy of interviewing Bono for Rolling Stone and hearing him say, "I'm an Irishman, I'm a New Yorker, but above all, I'm a Mattopian." What can I say? Thoughts like that make me smile.

Any parting words?
Yeah. Just remember: You can't keep a good Matt down. Many have tried; some are trying even as we speak. All have failed and all will continue to fail.

Springsteen lyrics come to mind when you say that. "The first kick I took was when I hit the ground. You end up like a dog that's been beat too much, 'til you spend half your life just covering up."
Exactly. And this tramp was born to run. Peace out.

TC