7 Habits

Women and Their Big Buts: Part II
2 March 2004

"I know it aches,
And your heart, it breaks,
And you can only take so much.
Walk on, walk on.
Leave it behind.
You've got to leave it behind."
- Walk On, U2

Editors' Note: This is Part II of the (unfortunately) never-ending saga of women and their big buts. Part I can be found here.

I'd like to start a revolt against the crappy people of the world. The big targets are, of course, OBL and his band of hatred-spreading maggots. But, as they say, think global and act local. So, by starting locally, it's a matter of exposing the crap that continues to be perpetuated by screwed up women.

Even Dennis Miller recently commented on his CNBC show about how women always say they're looking for Poindexter, but they're consistently found going out with neanderthals who drag them by the hair back to their cave. It's great to hear this observation, one I've made personally far too many times, from a sharp guy like Miller.

Now I need to write about the second biggest loser I have ever met. (If you haven't already, you can read about the biggest one in Part I.)

Loser #2 is an incredibly cute girl. Beautiful. Free-spirited. Fun. And as dangerous as a rock in a glass factory.

One moment she's telling me she wants to be the best Christian she can be, the next she's off to the UK with a married man. Then there was the time she told me all she wanted was to get drunk and have babies (in retrospect, I'm not sure in which order). These grandiose dreams of unbridled ambition come from a girl in her mid-20s.

I gave her tickets when I had to take off to the UK for a work assignment. She never told me how the concert was and I can only assume the tickets went unused.

She's the kind of girl who takes then disappears. There was a CD that took two and a half years to get back (even then, it wasn't the limited edition she was loaned, but a standard edition she bought as a replacement, as if I wouldn't know the difference, after admitting to take the discs on a road trip and, no doubt, letting some boy walk off with it).

Looking back, she reminds of the girls during college who used the smarter guys for "study buddies" in order to get better grades then told them to buzz off at the end of the semester, choosing instead to play with the dumb jocks who treat 'em like shit and - as secretly desired - avoid the whole emotional attachment problem that can occur with good people.

As time has passed, there's been a lot of input from former co-workers. Rumors of how this particular girl sleeps around and consistently uses people. "Stupid skank" was the generous description offered by one person.

I suppose there should be some solace in the fact that she's universally not respected by that group of people who have had to deal with her in one capacity or another. Now I do seriously question if this woman has a real friend in the world, based simply on how she treats people and uses people. Who would really want that in their life and tolerate that behavior against others?

Ultimately, she's the kind of girl who gives women a bad name. She thinks the answer to all of her problems is to ignore them and hope they just go away... eventually.

The worst part of all this is that I am guilty of helping fuel the fire through my misguided efforts to be a friend. I was far too slow to the draw this time around, far too forgiving. I should have cut this case of gangrene off a long time ago.

But this all coincided with an incredibly rough patch in Mattopian history, with the assassination and the Cult of Assholes creating a tremendous amount of upheaval in the Mattopian way of life. This particular issue simply didn't get the proper attention until the rest of the dust settled; this was also, no doubt, due in part to false hopes. This girl was, after all, one of the biggest crushes I ever had. She would make my heart skip a beat every time she was around. Every time.

That kind of raw reaction has happened only a few other times in my life. Hopefully it will happen again, but with a far better quality person.

The tragedy of it all is that this girl could go all the way to the top if she'd treat her life, herself, and others with a lot more respect. That way she could have it all and have her self-esteem in tact.

I used to joke about my sole criteria for a soul mate. The ultimate deal breaker was that she had to be able to fog a mirror. Now I must add another stringent criterium: Her IQ must be greater than room temperature.

Why did I do this to myself? Once upon a time, I proudly considered myself baggage free. Now I'm saddled with a carry-on.

At least it's something that, hopefully, I'll be able to dump in lost luggage some time. I've got to leave it behind.

TC